it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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