I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
