That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
