i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
