I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
