i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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