I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
