WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize