Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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