if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
