He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
