jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
