he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
