all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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