My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
