Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
