she woke up with a sticky ear
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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