not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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