I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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