It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
