My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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