I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
