Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
