shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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