Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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