Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
