hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
