I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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