Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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