idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
