they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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