is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
