I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
