Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
