I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
