dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
