My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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