these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
