if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
