Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
