is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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