Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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