I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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