I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
