i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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