Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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