Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
