I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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