did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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