I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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