How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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