"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found puke in my bra..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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