I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
