Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
