You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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