have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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