I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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