Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
