We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
