just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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