i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pants are for mortals
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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