this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
