Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
