Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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