You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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