All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This house was built for laser tag.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My life is pants optional.
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