if you like me you must not know who I am
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
