I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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