I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
