I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
