He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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