I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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