im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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