dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
