new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
