i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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