I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
