when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
