hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
