Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
