Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
