I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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