hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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