I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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