Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
