apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize