We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
