a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
