Non-Jews are for practice
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this just has baby written all over it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
