I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
