does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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