I swear she didn't look like that last week.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I didn't notice because vodka
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
