Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize