the condom got lost in my hair
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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