you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
