are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
