You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it glows. i had to have it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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