This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
