I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
