I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
