New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
