From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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