Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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